Ridin' and Writin'

In the current capacity of my job as a truck driver, I get to instruct students with CDL permits on how to actually drive one of these monsters. This is a very rewarding aspect of my job. I love watching someone who has never even SAT in a truck before his first time with me, go from that scared person to a confident DRIVER in three to four weeks. It is a transformation that I get to watch unfold in front of me, and it is awesome.


Let me explain what I actually do. A person who wants to drive a truck is hired by the company that I work for. They come to orientation with nothing but a regular drivers license and study for their CDL (commercial drivers license) permit. Now this permit is exactly the same as the permit most of us got as teenagers. It's the same except it is a permit to drive a big rig, as long as they have a licensed CDL instructor in the seat beside them at all times. I am that licensed CDL instructor.


One cool thing is, I get paid to instruct these students (one at a time in my truck for about four weeks at a time) as well as running real freight and real loads and doing real trucking so they are learning "on the job". I also ride around the country 10-14 hours per day. This gives me plenty of time to be online on Twitter, Facebook, research the story I'm doing and WRITE.


The problem is, I spend too much time on Twitter and surfing the web and not enough time writing. I really need to get better at just writing instead of Tweeting, or surfing. It would make writing this so called book of mine go a lot faster, I'm sure. LOL. I have to follow some advice my friend David says in this blog post - Shut Up and Write. It's blunt, and to the point, but it makes a hell of a lot of sense.


I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to make a lot better use of my time while I HAVE the time to use. I have a perfect opportunity here, while I'm actually working, to write and finish something that I have started on way too many times.


We are leaving NYC and headed to Tennessee today. Maybe I'll get something accomplished.


More later, folks.

Self doubt...man do I have it!

Confidence, according to wikipedia.org, "is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself".


I seem to have neither when it comes to writing. I mean, I WANT to write a book, get an agent, get published. That is the goal of anyone who wants to write, right? That is MY goal, but this nagging bit of non self confidence that I seem to have is making it hard to do anything but write and erase.


I'm not sure WHAT my problem is, other than I'm scared of rejection. I always have been. That fear of someone not liking me or liking what I have done, or just telling me to shut up and go away, has been a big part of my life. It has actually shaped my life in some form or fashion since I was a kid. I guess this has spilled over into doing what I want to do with my writing.


Don't get me wrong...I write. I write a LOT. I just don't show most of what I DO write to other people. Besides, most of what I write are short stories. I have started on a book...a REAL book, several times now, only to trash it after a chapter or two. I just don't think it is worth reading when I go back and look at what I have written. The idea is a good one, the story is something that I would read and be immersed in, but when I sit down to actually WRITE it, it comes out all garbled and messy.


I thought I would do something to help myself a little. I have joined the Twitter revolution with an account for my writing so that I may meet some other writers and maybe learn from some of them. I have mentioned that I have a problem with self confidence, and a few of the followers that I have, have responded with support and links to websites that could help me. One of those is http://www.wakeupcloud.com/selective-ignorance ...This has helped me a good bit. I have also found, through Twitter, http://writeitsideways.com which has several good articles that I have found helpful.


I suppose what I am going to have to do is just "Shut up and write" as my new friend, David Hunter, is so fond of saying on Twitter.  So that is just what I'm going to do...SHUT UP AND WRITE! Maybe by doing so, I might just keep on writing more than a chapter and not delete what I've written. Maybe I can pull myself up out of this wasteland that I always seem to be in.


I'm determined to do just that.


More later guys!

The Road...

The road is my friend.

Sometimes there are days when I think that the road is the only friend I have. No matter how I feel, how grumpy I am, or how the weather is, the road is always there...leading me to another town or another state. He is always showing me something new, and he always makes me think.

He makes me think of just how lonely he is. Oh yes, the road is lonely. Im out here with him every day, and he talks to me. He has seen death and destruction, grown old and haggard, and been patched more than you can imagine, yet he is always here. He has known millions of people, yet he is still alone.

He has been good and bad to me. You could say that we have a love/hate relationship. He is great to me as he leads me home to the people that I love and long to be with, but he has been a bitch to me as he takes me away from them a few days later.  Those are the times when I hate the sight of him. I despise his different colors and different textures and shapes. I loathe being out with him during those times, but he always seems to take me somewhere or show me something that makes me feel a little better about traveling with him. Besides, he always promises to bring me back to my wife and little girl, and so far he hasn’t lied to me about it.

I’ve seen a lot of things with him. He has shown me the tall palm trees in Hollywood and the short ones in Miami. He has taken me to the Battlefields of Gettysburg, where I could almost hear Abraham Lincoln giving his famous “Emancipation Proclimation”. He has led me to the Mountains of South Dakota where I saw four Presidents etched into the side of one of those mountains at Mt. Rushmore, and felt the chills on my spine as I gazed up at it.

He has taken me to forty eight of the fifty states in this country. I’ve seen the Sun rise over the Atlantic, and the sun set over the Pacific. I’ve been over every mountain range and through every desert.

The road has shown me more beauty than I could ever imagine, but he has never shown me anything as beautiful as my wife and daughter’s faces as he led me to them. He delivers me safely to them and gives me up for days and weeks at a time, with no complaints, and for that I thank him.

I sit and think sometimes as I ride over him that one day soon, I wont be out here as much with him. I long for that day. As much as I love being with him, I know he will understand when I decide that enough is enough and that I just can’t stay with him any longer. I’m sure that it won’t be a sad day for either of us. We have a mutual respect for one another, and we both know that the road will come to an end one day. Until then, though, I think he has some more to show me.

Yep, the road is my friend.