Monday, June 7, 2010

Self doubt...man do I have it!

Confidence, according to wikipedia.org, "is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself".


I seem to have neither when it comes to writing. I mean, I WANT to write a book, get an agent, get published. That is the goal of anyone who wants to write, right? That is MY goal, but this nagging bit of non self confidence that I seem to have is making it hard to do anything but write and erase.


I'm not sure WHAT my problem is, other than I'm scared of rejection. I always have been. That fear of someone not liking me or liking what I have done, or just telling me to shut up and go away, has been a big part of my life. It has actually shaped my life in some form or fashion since I was a kid. I guess this has spilled over into doing what I want to do with my writing.


Don't get me wrong...I write. I write a LOT. I just don't show most of what I DO write to other people. Besides, most of what I write are short stories. I have started on a book...a REAL book, several times now, only to trash it after a chapter or two. I just don't think it is worth reading when I go back and look at what I have written. The idea is a good one, the story is something that I would read and be immersed in, but when I sit down to actually WRITE it, it comes out all garbled and messy.


I thought I would do something to help myself a little. I have joined the Twitter revolution with an account for my writing so that I may meet some other writers and maybe learn from some of them. I have mentioned that I have a problem with self confidence, and a few of the followers that I have, have responded with support and links to websites that could help me. One of those is http://www.wakeupcloud.com/selective-ignorance ...This has helped me a good bit. I have also found, through Twitter, http://writeitsideways.com which has several good articles that I have found helpful.


I suppose what I am going to have to do is just "Shut up and write" as my new friend, David Hunter, is so fond of saying on Twitter.  So that is just what I'm going to do...SHUT UP AND WRITE! Maybe by doing so, I might just keep on writing more than a chapter and not delete what I've written. Maybe I can pull myself up out of this wasteland that I always seem to be in.


I'm determined to do just that.


More later guys!

2 comments:

2girlsonabench said...

We are our own worst critics - we do the same thing with our writing, re-read and then hate it, and then start over again. What we are learning is that you just have to put yourself out there AND TRY. It sounds like that's what you are doing, and we applaud you ;) Keep up the great work, and we'll keep tuned in for more updates on your blog! If you need ideas for procrastination (which we are really good at) check out our blog (www.2girlsonabench.com)

stinginthetail said...

i think it's a stage most of us go through - part of the writer's development. Don't throw your writing away (even when you think it's complete rubbish) because often it gives ideas or even starting points months later when you look at it again. Or it shows you how far you've come.

Good luck :)